Most Blessed

 

We almost didn't meet. After months of sporadic communication both of us were at the point of concluding maybe we wouldn't be able to work together. But every time I thought and prayed about it I couldn't shake the feeling that going to Florida was what I was meant to do.

After just three days I realized that I was starting to really like Gary. Go slow, I told myself. He probably doesn't feel the same. I'd spent years falling for people far too quickly only to find that it wasn't reciprocated.

Even when I realized he had feelings for me, I tried to warn him of my tendency to go too fast. "I get attached too quickly," I told him expecting him to back away.

"Get attached to me," he said, and I did.

I was at a point where I was ready to settle. Just tired of being alone. I didn't expect to find someone so perfect for me, or for it to happen so fast. But right away we both knew that finally we've found what we wanted and were looking for in each other.

I need him to be strong, to motivate me. I need his drive and his vision. He needs my patience, and caring. It's such a wonderful thing to need each other.

I am the happiest and most blessed woman in the world.

...and the power goes out

Saturday was a beautiful day. After a couple weeks of dry weather everyone was really happy when the sky clouded over in the afternoon and started to rumble. As an extra loud bang indicated the lightning was getting closer to the house, I jumped out of the shower and stood safely on the mat drying myself off and watching the rain stream down the window. I like storms.


Remembering the giant TV screen in the lounge where I’d been watching a football game while exercising just a little while earlier, I felt concerned that someone should go and unplug it. Living in countries with frequent storms, power cuts, and electrical surges instilled that in me, I guess. Before I could get dressed though, the power went out, sending everything into a dusky late afternoon gloom.

My plans of putting on music while filing and painting my nails went out the window as the rain water poured in. I ran around closing things up, and checking on the other unoccupied apartments to make sure nothing was getting wet and ruined.

This building my mom lives in is actually a small apartment building, though from the outside it just looks like a big house. Since all the people renting them are working with the same organization we see each other fairly often, even if it’s just in passing.

Now with the power out everyone came into the hallways and entrance area, and stood around discussing the storm and speculating how long it would take to get the power back up. Someone wondered if it might be out all night since it was already late Saturday afternoon. There was talk of pulling out candles, and I started to feel right at home.

Back in Nepal we were having up to 14 hours of power cuts per day, and have just adjusted to that being part of life in the winter. On powerless evenings we all sit around and talk, play a game or two, watch a movie if someone still has battery on their lap top, or go up on the roof on warmer evenings. It’s nice, and I actually felt a little disappointed when the power came back on after just about 45 minutes and everyone disappeared back into their own flats.

It reminded me a bit of our center in South Africa where things like lightning, and thieves taking the copper from the electrical wires, regularly plunged us into darkness. Everyone would come out of their offices, and stand around getting a snack or a cup of tea and waiting for the power or the generator to get things up and running again. As a non office person (I ran the kitchen and food distribution services) these were often the best parts of my week.

Sometimes I think everyone could benefit from turning off the electricity for a little while, or at least shutting down the internet, computers, and television, and just taking time to talk and interact with each other. Obviously we need the power to get things done and the internet to stay in touch with the world, but we shouldn’t let it keep us from connecting with the world that’s right around us, our family, friends, and neighbours.

Back to Front

This is one of my latest favorite songs. It's not the greatest video, but all the ones of Eliza Doolittle singing Back to Front live have pretty bad sound quality.

I like the idea of everything going backwards, and the simplicity of being children again, rather than the complications of getting older. And I guess I've been thinking about that more lately as I just turned 30 a few days ago.

It's interesting as I'm visiting my mom now, and seeing some old friends that I haven't seen since we were all teens. There's been a lot of reminicing going on. Nice to revisit old memories and good times.

But when I really do think about it, I wouldn't quite want to go back to those days even if I had the opportunity to. Having learned so much over the years, and changed, hopefully for the bettter, I wouldn't want to undo any of that. So in the end, I will be happy going forward, having new experiences and adventures, and making progress even if it does come along with getting older.

travel notes

It was a looong trip, but a few nice things that happened along the way made it seem shorter. Namely the day I spent in China.

Since I had a fifteen hour stopover in Guangzhou and I've never been to China I decided to get a transit visa and go out of the airport. Also one of my friends' family lives there and he wanted me to bring some things to them. I assumed that one of them would pick the stuff up from me, direct me to some nice places to look around and spend the day and that would be that. Instead his mom spent the whole day with me. His brother met us for lunch. And when his mom heard I hadn't slept at all the previous night, since my flight was at 11:00 p.m., she took me to her friend's appartment so I could shower and rest for a few hours.

I went on to the next leg of the journey feeling much more refreshed, and very happy that I'd gotten to see at least a little bit of China.

Landing in Los Angeles was a bit strange. I think it's been about seven years since I'd been back there. The last couple times I visited my family I went to South Africa. Before even if it had been a year or two  arriving at the airport always felt a little like coming home. This time it didn't at all. It all seemed very foreign. And it was cold outside the aiport. I don't remember April evenings being so cold before.

Now I'm just resting, getting over jet lag, and enjoying the time with my mom.

travel prep

I haven't been writing much lately as I have just under a week left before I'm off and away for a few months. Looking forward to the trip, and even don't mind the first leg of travels which looks like it will take nearly two full days, but boy I will be tired by the end of it.

Hopefully, if I get the transit visa, I get to spend a day touring Guangzhou, China, and can add another country to my list of places I've visited. (I don't count them unless I actually leave the airport). Today I went in to apply for the visa and I just have to say that it always surprises me how people think getting upset at the officials will help push their application through. I've been in some pretty frustrating situations and have been guilty of that a couple of times, so I understand how it happens, but from what I've seen it always has the opposite effect. Today a man was insisting that he didn't need a paper that they wanted and could go there "any time he liked". Needless to say, this did not go over well.

I just got my camera back from the repair shop and have been taking pictures and small video clips of Kathmandu to show to my mom who has never been here.

Here's a couple of photos:

Ooh, and in other news, all the extra power is awesome. Now our cuts are only about ten hours a day instead of the previous fourteen.

Now excuse me while I go and find something else to get distracted with instead of actually packing and doing other prep. I think something must be wrong with me, because try as I might to do travel prep ahead of time, I find it impossible to pack until the day before I'm actually leaving. It just doesn't really work before then.

So long and goodnight.

Little Kindnesses

Here are a few little things I've noticed people doing in the last couple days that made my day a bit brighter:

* The teller at the bank sorted through all the bills he was handing me to make sure he only gave me crisp new ones.

* At the ice cream stand the cheerful fellow behind the counter pulled out one of those nice tasting waffle cones without me having to ask for it. It didn't cost any more either.

* The vehicle I was taking home today stopped ten minutes down the road and pointed out that they weren't going all the way to the last stop where I needed to go. "That's okay," I said. "I can get something else from there." "But then you will have to pay a double fare," the driver said. That was when I realized they weren't going to charge me for the distance already covered, and happily changed vehicles.

Yesterday I was reading some posts on a great blog about Swedish language and culture www.transparent.com/swedish and read one from a Swede living in Japan. She says that Japanese people have been very concerned asking her if she is okay as there aren't any earthquakes in Sweden. I think that shows a remarkable concern for others in the midst of personal suffering.

All these little things have gotten me thinking about what I can do to brighten someone else's day and show a bit of extra concern.

Stories from Japan

One of my Japanese friends complied this from her friends and family. It's really heart touching to read of the selflessness of others in such a time of need. And the people there still need a lot of help and prayers.

• Lots of stories coming out about people risking their lives/giving their lives to save others. What I find most touching is the little things, like the homeless people bringing cardboard to the people sleeping in the cold in stations where they are stranded. The homeless, often ignored by all of us, may not have much to give, but they are doing what they can.

• My sister wrote: During the earthquake, I thought I was going to die. The trains were stopped, so I walked towards my friend's house. There were no taxi's running, the restaurants and shops were all full of people who couldn't get home. After I'd walked 4 1/2 hours, hope was fading, the temperature dropped and I was so so cold. The masses of people crawled along like little ants dragging their feet. At that time I had just crossed this bridge, as I came down there was an old man with the trunk of his car full of "hokkairo". He passed them out to the weary people walking, encouraging each passer by. I immediately felt warmed inside through the kindness that was shown.

• Heard a story last night of a woman and her baby who were caught up in the tsunami. A man on a second floor balcony climbed down to help her, passed the baby up, and helped the woman up, only to be washed away by the tsunami himself. Selflessness like that is amazing.

• In the middle of the night, I was walking home from college.  A lady at a bakery was giving out bread.  She kept her bakery open till late hours and was doing what she could do to help others.  I was so touched.  Tokyo is still not a bad place to live!  Such a heart-warming scene.

• Seems the Yakuza up north were out in force after the quake... HELPING DIRECT TRAFFIC.

• Just read about the citizens of Osaka showing up in droves to donate blood.

• I was so moved by the statement issued by the UN Secretary General, saying, "Japan is one of the most generous and strongest benefactors, coming to the assistance of those in need the world over.  In that spirit, the United Nations stands by the people of Japan and we will do anything and everything we can at this very difficult time."  This is a perfect example of doing good to others.  They will do the same to you, when you most need their help.

• This afternoon at the convenience store there was a group of young punk looking guys buying drinks and beer. When they got to the register, one of them realized if he bought the beer as well, he wouldn't have any money left to make a donation for quake victims. He returned the beer.

• My husband walked for 4 hours to come back home.  He was feeling weak at Akabane and this man offered free coffee saying "It's pretty cold huh? Warm up with this hot coffee!"  Thanks to the him, my husband regained the strength to keep walking.  It must have really touched him because he's been repeating the story 5 times.  Thank you to the man passing out free coffee.

• This afternoon, I saw a young guy who has radical looks. He donated put several ten-thousand-yen bills to a donation box saying his friends “We can buy a game anytime”. I heard his words and that made me and the people around there what is important and we donated a bit too. I re-realized that it is not appropriate to judge people by their looks.

• When the earthquake struck Japan, I was working at the restaurant. The restaurant was almost full. After the earthquake, we guided the guest to go out from there because it could be dangerous. I thought great part of them would leave there without paying, but most of them came back and paid their bill. The rest of them, who didn’t pay yesterday, came back to the restaurant today to pay. What a beautiful country Japan is.

• Weep! I was so touched I cried super hard! That international call from a stranger just now, it was a phone call of worry and support from someone who called their own number, except with Japan's country code hoping to connect with someone in Japan! I didn't quite understand the English, but I understood what the person was trying to say! She said a lot of people over there are "praying for Japan"!

• It happened last night. A convenience store near a train station managed to open for business with a power generator. While I was waiting in a long line, the generator stopped, maybe because it ran out of fuel, and the cash register stopped. The entire store was pitch black. Everyone put the things they had in their hands back on the shelves and left, even though no one would've noticed if they walked out with them.

• An elderly man, probably over 80, who was rescued from the disaster area said "We will be OK, we are pretty sure we will. We have experienced Tsunami from Chile so why can't we do it this time?" he said with a smile. He again said with a smile, "It is useless to say something sad" to the news reporter trying to get some comments of sorrow. His wife standing next to him told the reporter sharply "Don't take photos of our disgraceful look". From this conversation, we can see how courageous the people who built Japan have dignity.

• A conversation I overheard on the train between two grandmas. "The police are telling us to turn the lights off because there's not enough electricity. We used to spend a lot of time without lights for the good of our country during the World War 2. This time, we don’t need to worry about the bombs falling over us. We’ll gladly turn off the light, won’t we?” The people around them got silent for a second. My eyes welled up with tears.

doing a happy dance!

Have you ever been in one of those situations where everything was up in the air, with so many things hinging on the decisions of others that there wasn't much you could do about it? For me that was my last two or three months.

Normally such uncertainty has me climbing up a wall with frustration, but this time I really did my best to be trusting and praiseful. And as I worked out the few things that I could while setting aside the rest, it all fell into place in a much better way than what I was expecting.

So now I am doing a happy dance, as I see how patience during the uncertainty really paid off, and I am very excited about the future.

Driving in Nepal

Things I’ve learned during driving practice


• It’s fun to weave the bike in and out of cars (this terrified me when I first started driving)

• Pedestrians think they own the road especially side roads and tend to ignore horns (though I can’t really blame them, most of the time people are honking for no reason)

• There is no line down the middle of the road, real or imaginary. Instead the space between the rows of cars moving in opposite directions is there for motorbikes to play games of chicken as they pass all the cars (don’t worry, I’m always the chicken in the end)

• Bicycles believe that they are cars and like to get in the way (or as my driving instructor told me “bicycle is zig zag”.

• Traffic is not really as scary as it looks. Just follow one simple rule: assume that all drivers, bicycles, and pedestrians are going to jump in front of you at any given moment and be prepared to stop or weave around them; then be pleasantly surprised when they don’t.

Now I’m working up the courage to try to get a licence. Here is what you have to do for the test in Nepal. You need to weave your bike in and out of a row of traffic cones. While doing this your feet should never touch the ground. Most people fail this test the first time around.

Happy Valentines

This year is the first in a while where I didn't have some special someone somewhere to wish a Happy Valentines Day to. Even if I wasn't in a commited relationship there's always been some person of interest to send off a note to, call up, buy a little gift, or wait anxiously to hear from. Yesterday I thought about it and realized that there was nobody. And you know what? It made me really happy.

In fact, I think it was the best Valentines I've had in a while. Because by taking the focus off romantic interests I thought about all the other love and good things that I have in my life, and I felt so blessed. I think sometimes the desire for romance, for dating, for all the complications that go along with the whole scene distracts us from the things that are a lot more important and satisfying.

I live with good friends who I can show love and concern for. I have a lot more friends that I get to see regularly and spend time with. I enjoy my work and get a lot of satisfaction out of doing it. I like the place I live. There are some exciting new opportunities coming up, not finalized yet, but that I'm looking forward to. I've learned a lot of things in the last year, and come to terms with the things about myself that have long frustrated me and made me feel incomplete. In short, I'm happy with the place I'm at in my life right now.

If some opportunity for romance and a relationship comes along and surprises me, then great. But I'm not looking for it. I don't feel like I need someone else to complete me.

Love comes along to us in many different forms, each one unique and beautiful. Every day we can feel touches of love in our lives. So, this post goes out to everyone who doesn't have a special someone to spend Valentine's Day with. Why sit around feeling sad that you're alone? In fact, why feel alone at all? If this is a day to celebrate love, then lets celebrate it in what ever form it choses to enter our lives in, and lets share some of that love with those around us.

"If we know that God loves us, then we know everything's going to be okay."

Perfect Love

In the last post I wrote about guilt and how it’s a very bad driver to have in the front seat of your life. In this one I want to touch briefly on fear. I think fear is possibly even more common of a driver than guilt, as there are so many things to be fearful of.


With the start of this year I have been considering some new ventures, and I have to say that I have been hit with many fears. Fears of making the wrong decision. Fears of not making a decision at all (procrastination being my usual reaction to facing major choices). And mostly the fear of time.

This year I will turn 30 and passing that milestone has prompted me to re-examine a lot of things in an effort to see if I’m happy with where my life is at right now. I’m happy to say that I’ve come to the decision that I can be content with and even proud of most of what I’ve done this far. But coming to that conclusion has not been without a few sleepless nights where I worried about the time that’s passing by.

A verse I memorized early in childhood comes to mind whenever I think about fears. 1John 4:18 tells us, “Perfect love casts out fear.” Even though I’ve heard this many times it’s always been a bit of a conundrum for me. When I think about the antidote to fear I’m far more likely to come up with choices such as bravery, hope, faith, and trust, rather than love. But I think the answer to this puzzle is found in the words “perfect love”.

When we think of love the first example that usually comes to mind is the love between a man and woman. This is one of the least perfect examples of love. There are countless imperfections to be found in each relationship. A closer one would probably be the love of a parent for their child, but still as a human relation this is filled with imperfections. In fact, I believe it would be impossible to find an example of “perfect love” in a world filled with human imperfection.

Therefore to find the true meaning of “perfect love” we have to look beyond human limitations. Earlier in the same chapter we are told, “God is love,” 1John 4:8. So to find the perfection in love we have to look to the only thing which is perfect – God and His love for us.

As I think about the fact that God loves me, that He made me, that He has a plan for my life and even promises to bring good out of every situation including the ones that I get myself into that are outside of His will, all the fears dissipate, and I can find the peace in His perfect love for me that casts out all fear.

Who is in the driver's seat?

What drives your life? This is a question I reflected on this morning, as I work my way through the book “Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren.


Rick poses several possibilities that drive many people’s lives.

Are you driven by guilt? Are there things in your past that you regret? Do you spend time reminiscing on painful memories, rehashing past mistakes? Are you so afraid of repeating them that you no longer take risks?

We all have things that we can feel guilty for. Aside from the many small mistakes of life, when I look back, I can focus most of my guilt on the one time I truly made a disaster out of everything around me. Because I was going through a difficult period, I allowed my negative emotions to get the better of me and did and said things that effectively destroyed the relationships I had with the people around me. I could see myself shattering all that was good in my life, and at the same time felt powerless to stop it.

Eventually as I turned things over to God, He helped me to put all the broken pieces back together. But it took a lot of time, and some of the damage will never be fully repaired. For a long time after I was driven by guilt resulting from this time period and the year leading up to it. In talking to others, though, I realized that we’ve all gone through things like this. Everyone has at some time or another made mistakes so big we feel they can never be fixed.

Acceptance of those mistakes frees us from the guilt attached. God forgives. Most of the time the people around us, if they truly care about us, forgive as well. But we also have to forgive ourselves. We have to kick guilt out of the driver’s seat and replace it by God’s love and grace. Guilt will take us no where, and really, it serves no useful purpose. There is no way to rewind time and change what happened. It’s in the past, therefore we must accept it, and use it to move us forward into the future.

Some of the other things people are driven by are resentment, fear, materialism, or other people’s expectations. I realized that at various times in my life I have been driven by each of these things. But is that who I really want in the driver’s seat of my life? Definitely not. I would compare this to being in a car with an unsafe, unskilled, or somewhat impaired driver. All things I have experienced, and wouldn’t want to experience again.

Additionally I wouldn’t want to be the one in the driver’s seat. Even though I have taken driving lessons, I’m not very good at it, and tend to get very scared and jumpy. But when you put God and His purpose for you in the driver’s seat, that’s like being in a car with someone whose driving skills you have perfect faith in. Like going on a long trip with my dad at the wheel. I can relax, take a nap, read a book, listen to music. I know he’s a safe driver, and I trust him to get us to our destination.

So who’s driving your car of life? It’s something important to reflect on now and again, to make sure that we’ve got the right driver, and are heading where we want to go.

Mountain Paintings

Here are two of the recent paintings I have done. I will try to upload more as I get the time and manage to get good pictures of them. Unfortuantely some of the other photos didn't turn out.

Sunrise on Fishtail Mountain

Fewa Lake & Anapurna Range, Pokhara

This picture is the first one I have sold so far.

My New Year's resolution and discovery

As at the end of every year, I was thinking about my goals for the New Year, both practical and personal. The practical ones are always easier to come up with. The ones for personal growth require a bit more introspection, and I feel, can tend to be a bit more discouraging. Some of these are things I’ve tried to improve in for a long time without significant success.


This year the main one I know I need to work on is to be calmer, to not take things so seriously, to not overreact when people or situations are upsetting. As this is a long standing personal weakness, I was thinking about how to actually make this change a permanent one.

In the morning of the 31st we went to the Sisters of Charity’s home for dying and destitute elderly people. Previously we sang for the children they care for who are recovering from tuberculosis, and the sisters asked if we would come and sing for the elderly as well.

While singing I thought about the love and unselfishness that enables these sisters to care for others day in and day out. A quote from Mother Teresa came to life as I looked at the people around me. "I see Jesus in every human being," she said. "I say to myself, this is hungry Jesus, I must feed him. This is sick Jesus. This one has leprosy or gangrene; I must wash him and tend to him. I serve because I love Jesus."

I started to think about what this means—to see Jesus in every human being. So many times I have heard the instruction to be like Jesus, to represent Him to others, to think about what Jesus would do. I’ve tried that, and so many times I’ve failed at it. Jesus was a perfect representation of God’s love, and I am only an imperfect human being.

But what if I looked at it the other way around? Instead of trying to be Jesus, to try to treat others as I would if they were Jesus.

I thought of how the greeting in Nepal, “namaste” literally means “I bow to the God that is inside you”. The Bible tells us that we are made in God’s image, and I do believe that each person carries a part of God inside them.

As I carried on with my day, I kept reflecting on this idea. Instead of reacting in frustration to someone I could tell myself instead: “This is sad Jesus, I need to encourage him. This is tired Jesus, I must show patience and do what I can to help.”

So that is my resolution for the New Year – to treat each person with the respect, kindness, and patience that I would show to Jesus were He right in front of me. I’ll still make mistakes, get impatient and frustrated – I already made a big one shortly after deciding this – but hopefully over time, as I put this into practice it will become a part of my way of thinking and help me to make the changes permanent ones.