This year is the first in a while where I didn't have some special someone somewhere to wish a Happy Valentines Day to. Even if I wasn't in a commited relationship there's always been some person of interest to send off a note to, call up, buy a little gift, or wait anxiously to hear from. Yesterday I thought about it and realized that there was nobody. And you know what? It made me really happy.
In fact, I think it was the best Valentines I've had in a while. Because by taking the focus off romantic interests I thought about all the other love and good things that I have in my life, and I felt so blessed. I think sometimes the desire for romance, for dating, for all the complications that go along with the whole scene distracts us from the things that are a lot more important and satisfying.
I live with good friends who I can show love and concern for. I have a lot more friends that I get to see regularly and spend time with. I enjoy my work and get a lot of satisfaction out of doing it. I like the place I live. There are some exciting new opportunities coming up, not finalized yet, but that I'm looking forward to. I've learned a lot of things in the last year, and come to terms with the things about myself that have long frustrated me and made me feel incomplete. In short, I'm happy with the place I'm at in my life right now.
If some opportunity for romance and a relationship comes along and surprises me, then great. But I'm not looking for it. I don't feel like I need someone else to complete me.
Love comes along to us in many different forms, each one unique and beautiful. Every day we can feel touches of love in our lives. So, this post goes out to everyone who doesn't have a special someone to spend Valentine's Day with. Why sit around feeling sad that you're alone? In fact, why feel alone at all? If this is a day to celebrate love, then lets celebrate it in what ever form it choses to enter our lives in, and lets share some of that love with those around us.
"If we know that God loves us, then we know everything's going to be okay."
Monday, February 14, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Perfect Love
In the last post I wrote about guilt and how it’s a very bad driver to have in the front seat of your life. In this one I want to touch briefly on fear. I think fear is possibly even more common of a driver than guilt, as there are so many things to be fearful of.
With the start of this year I have been considering some new ventures, and I have to say that I have been hit with many fears. Fears of making the wrong decision. Fears of not making a decision at all (procrastination being my usual reaction to facing major choices). And mostly the fear of time.
This year I will turn 30 and passing that milestone has prompted me to re-examine a lot of things in an effort to see if I’m happy with where my life is at right now. I’m happy to say that I’ve come to the decision that I can be content with and even proud of most of what I’ve done this far. But coming to that conclusion has not been without a few sleepless nights where I worried about the time that’s passing by.
A verse I memorized early in childhood comes to mind whenever I think about fears. 1John 4:18 tells us, “Perfect love casts out fear.” Even though I’ve heard this many times it’s always been a bit of a conundrum for me. When I think about the antidote to fear I’m far more likely to come up with choices such as bravery, hope, faith, and trust, rather than love. But I think the answer to this puzzle is found in the words “perfect love”.
When we think of love the first example that usually comes to mind is the love between a man and woman. This is one of the least perfect examples of love. There are countless imperfections to be found in each relationship. A closer one would probably be the love of a parent for their child, but still as a human relation this is filled with imperfections. In fact, I believe it would be impossible to find an example of “perfect love” in a world filled with human imperfection.
Therefore to find the true meaning of “perfect love” we have to look beyond human limitations. Earlier in the same chapter we are told, “God is love,” 1John 4:8. So to find the perfection in love we have to look to the only thing which is perfect – God and His love for us.
As I think about the fact that God loves me, that He made me, that He has a plan for my life and even promises to bring good out of every situation including the ones that I get myself into that are outside of His will, all the fears dissipate, and I can find the peace in His perfect love for me that casts out all fear.
With the start of this year I have been considering some new ventures, and I have to say that I have been hit with many fears. Fears of making the wrong decision. Fears of not making a decision at all (procrastination being my usual reaction to facing major choices). And mostly the fear of time.
This year I will turn 30 and passing that milestone has prompted me to re-examine a lot of things in an effort to see if I’m happy with where my life is at right now. I’m happy to say that I’ve come to the decision that I can be content with and even proud of most of what I’ve done this far. But coming to that conclusion has not been without a few sleepless nights where I worried about the time that’s passing by.
A verse I memorized early in childhood comes to mind whenever I think about fears. 1John 4:18 tells us, “Perfect love casts out fear.” Even though I’ve heard this many times it’s always been a bit of a conundrum for me. When I think about the antidote to fear I’m far more likely to come up with choices such as bravery, hope, faith, and trust, rather than love. But I think the answer to this puzzle is found in the words “perfect love”.
When we think of love the first example that usually comes to mind is the love between a man and woman. This is one of the least perfect examples of love. There are countless imperfections to be found in each relationship. A closer one would probably be the love of a parent for their child, but still as a human relation this is filled with imperfections. In fact, I believe it would be impossible to find an example of “perfect love” in a world filled with human imperfection.
Therefore to find the true meaning of “perfect love” we have to look beyond human limitations. Earlier in the same chapter we are told, “God is love,” 1John 4:8. So to find the perfection in love we have to look to the only thing which is perfect – God and His love for us.
As I think about the fact that God loves me, that He made me, that He has a plan for my life and even promises to bring good out of every situation including the ones that I get myself into that are outside of His will, all the fears dissipate, and I can find the peace in His perfect love for me that casts out all fear.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Who is in the driver's seat?
What drives your life? This is a question I reflected on this morning, as I work my way through the book “Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren.
Rick poses several possibilities that drive many people’s lives.
Are you driven by guilt? Are there things in your past that you regret? Do you spend time reminiscing on painful memories, rehashing past mistakes? Are you so afraid of repeating them that you no longer take risks?
We all have things that we can feel guilty for. Aside from the many small mistakes of life, when I look back, I can focus most of my guilt on the one time I truly made a disaster out of everything around me. Because I was going through a difficult period, I allowed my negative emotions to get the better of me and did and said things that effectively destroyed the relationships I had with the people around me. I could see myself shattering all that was good in my life, and at the same time felt powerless to stop it.
Eventually as I turned things over to God, He helped me to put all the broken pieces back together. But it took a lot of time, and some of the damage will never be fully repaired. For a long time after I was driven by guilt resulting from this time period and the year leading up to it. In talking to others, though, I realized that we’ve all gone through things like this. Everyone has at some time or another made mistakes so big we feel they can never be fixed.
Acceptance of those mistakes frees us from the guilt attached. God forgives. Most of the time the people around us, if they truly care about us, forgive as well. But we also have to forgive ourselves. We have to kick guilt out of the driver’s seat and replace it by God’s love and grace. Guilt will take us no where, and really, it serves no useful purpose. There is no way to rewind time and change what happened. It’s in the past, therefore we must accept it, and use it to move us forward into the future.
Some of the other things people are driven by are resentment, fear, materialism, or other people’s expectations. I realized that at various times in my life I have been driven by each of these things. But is that who I really want in the driver’s seat of my life? Definitely not. I would compare this to being in a car with an unsafe, unskilled, or somewhat impaired driver. All things I have experienced, and wouldn’t want to experience again.
Additionally I wouldn’t want to be the one in the driver’s seat. Even though I have taken driving lessons, I’m not very good at it, and tend to get very scared and jumpy. But when you put God and His purpose for you in the driver’s seat, that’s like being in a car with someone whose driving skills you have perfect faith in. Like going on a long trip with my dad at the wheel. I can relax, take a nap, read a book, listen to music. I know he’s a safe driver, and I trust him to get us to our destination.
So who’s driving your car of life? It’s something important to reflect on now and again, to make sure that we’ve got the right driver, and are heading where we want to go.
Rick poses several possibilities that drive many people’s lives.
Are you driven by guilt? Are there things in your past that you regret? Do you spend time reminiscing on painful memories, rehashing past mistakes? Are you so afraid of repeating them that you no longer take risks?
We all have things that we can feel guilty for. Aside from the many small mistakes of life, when I look back, I can focus most of my guilt on the one time I truly made a disaster out of everything around me. Because I was going through a difficult period, I allowed my negative emotions to get the better of me and did and said things that effectively destroyed the relationships I had with the people around me. I could see myself shattering all that was good in my life, and at the same time felt powerless to stop it.
Eventually as I turned things over to God, He helped me to put all the broken pieces back together. But it took a lot of time, and some of the damage will never be fully repaired. For a long time after I was driven by guilt resulting from this time period and the year leading up to it. In talking to others, though, I realized that we’ve all gone through things like this. Everyone has at some time or another made mistakes so big we feel they can never be fixed.
Acceptance of those mistakes frees us from the guilt attached. God forgives. Most of the time the people around us, if they truly care about us, forgive as well. But we also have to forgive ourselves. We have to kick guilt out of the driver’s seat and replace it by God’s love and grace. Guilt will take us no where, and really, it serves no useful purpose. There is no way to rewind time and change what happened. It’s in the past, therefore we must accept it, and use it to move us forward into the future.
Some of the other things people are driven by are resentment, fear, materialism, or other people’s expectations. I realized that at various times in my life I have been driven by each of these things. But is that who I really want in the driver’s seat of my life? Definitely not. I would compare this to being in a car with an unsafe, unskilled, or somewhat impaired driver. All things I have experienced, and wouldn’t want to experience again.
Additionally I wouldn’t want to be the one in the driver’s seat. Even though I have taken driving lessons, I’m not very good at it, and tend to get very scared and jumpy. But when you put God and His purpose for you in the driver’s seat, that’s like being in a car with someone whose driving skills you have perfect faith in. Like going on a long trip with my dad at the wheel. I can relax, take a nap, read a book, listen to music. I know he’s a safe driver, and I trust him to get us to our destination.
So who’s driving your car of life? It’s something important to reflect on now and again, to make sure that we’ve got the right driver, and are heading where we want to go.
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